20 June, 2011

[SFAP] Chapter 5:6

This is the sixth section of the fifth chapter of Sonnets from a Proton. The novel starts here.
The next section is here.

Laurence looked over in the cabin at the receding Jane. “You know you can’t just invite yourself over to my cabin anytime.”
“Our cabin.” demanded Jane.
“What do you mean our cabin? I booked it, it’s my name.”
“Paid for by the company that I own. Our cabin. Possibly even my cabin.”
“Fine, so I’ll go to your cabin for some peace and quiet then.”
“No, I like it here” she turned around “Hey I just thought, that’s a new body you’ve got there isn’t it?”
“Excellent, that means I just popped your cherry. I missed it the first time, so I’m glad I managed it the second chance”
“It doesn’t count for men”
“Who says.”
“Lack of evidence. No evidence then it never happened.” he turned over to avoid her.
She let him stew for a moment before asking “Come on spit it out”
Laurence looked up from his pad, “What?”
“You’ve got something to say, just say it”
“Fine, on your head be it” he paused for a breath “What are you doing here?”
Jane moved in her seat to get a better look at him, “Being your wife is what I’m doing here.”
“You’re at risk of blowing my cover and I don’t know what you’re hoping to accomplish and you’re putting yourself at risk with this flight, your body isn’t what it was.”
“In case you hadn’t noticed your body isn’t your own anymore, sure you’ve lost what? Eighty years with this procedure, well jolly good for you, but you aren’t you anymore. You know they warned you about this, a person isn’t just what’s in their brain there’s all the hormones and bodily responses and that’s without counting how others treat you.”
“Tom did say something about that, in fact he won’t shut up about how I am not acting as he expects.”
“Exactly, stick a supermodel in a fat suit and they do comment on how differently the world treats them and therefore how it changes your personality. Well no one has ever done before what you’ve just done. Sure I’m certain in a few decades it’ll be all the rage, but right here and now it’s you and you only. There’s no psychologists to help you out, just you about to go into a high stress situation. That’s not a recipe for a good outcome.”
“But that’s it, you’re a reminder of what I once was; I’m supposed to be able to reinvent myself. Part of the point of youth is exploring who you are and if I am dragged back to how I was then how can I begin a new?”
“And at this rate you’re going to really start acting like a teenager and tell me how much you hate me.”
He smiled slightly at the thought. “I’m getting there yes.”
“So as I said this is exactly why I am here to remind you of all this and stop you from becoming even more of a dick under this experience.”
“Look do I have to do this, do I not have a choice?”
“Look I’m your wife I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think you wanted and needed me. I can’t imagine being with someone who I wasn’t the most important thing in the world to and for all your bluster I know you, you’re just struggling to redefine yourself.”
“Blah blah bunch of crap, only want to be with someone who I am the most important person to. Self indulgent selfish shit. You’ve said this before and it’s always annoyed me.”
“You always were a bit of a self important thoughtless prick, what I’m doing here is preventing you from thinking like that, oh I know what you’re like, new lease of life, new attempt to change the world and you’ll forget yourself so that’s why I’m here. Besides, who else are you going to rant to about whatever technical junk it on your mind. Unless you’ve taken Tom as your new lover.” Jane paused to see the look on Laurence’s face and laughed as she saw his expression change, “Oh you’ve started ranting to him haven’t you. Priceless.”
“Look you’re not distracting me, I’m angry and pissed off at you for spoiling my opportunity here.”
“If that’s really what you feel then I’ll go. But I know you and right now you’re pushing me away because you feel separated from me by your apparent youth. Well tough luck you’re not getting rid of me and you are still you. Don’t be a coward and don’t hide from yourself. Now come over here and give me a hug.”
“Why do you do this?”
“What? Put up with you?”
“That and force me to look at who I am against my will.”
“Because someone has to, because you’re a good man in spite of yourself and your best attempts to run away from that part of yourself. You’ve spent a lifetime becoming the best man you know how to and I’m not going to let some stupid desire for change for the sake of change undo all that.”

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