14 December, 2011

[SFAP] Chapter 15:3

This is the third section of the fifteenth chapter of Sonnets from a Proton. The novel starts here.
The next section is here.

Laurence turned to Tom “You know I always used to say I had the worst of everything.”
“You were a middle class Caucasian male, unhindered by poverty or prejudice or by the expectations of ruling parents. How could you have wanted more as a start to a successful life?”
“That’s kind of it though, no-one gave me anything. If I were born richer I’d have already had everything. If I’d been born poorer or a different race I’d have had handouts and positive discrimination working for me.”
“You do realise you just said that out loud don’t you?”
“Oh I never claimed to be a nice person. You’re the one who wants everyone to love him, me I just had to make something of myself because if I’d have failed I’d have had no excuse and yet I didn’t have the golden spoon to help me succeed”
“Are all you pre-Habitat kids this much of an arsehole?”
“Hey you do what you have to succeed. It’s the luxury of success to feel guilty over it.”
“Again you do realise what you just said?”
“Fuck that. I am fed up of apologising for who I am. Everywhere you go now it’s all handed to you on a plate. New challenges just appear in a decadent society around social norms. Well I’ve had enough. Did you ever think you’d starve if you stopped working for just one day?”
“No and you never did either.”
“Don’t tell me how I spent my youth. Now you’re right I wouldn’t have starved but that doesn’t stop me from believing that I would. I don’t need to apologise for how I made myself what I did.”
“No but you should apologise for how you behave now.”
“Why?”
“You’ll offend a lot of people”
“Am I offending you?”
“Well, yes, well no.” Tom stuttered
“You just can’t do it can you. You’ve spent your entire life sucking up to people and you just can’t come out and say ‘you are a shit’ can you?”
“You can’t say that!” exclaimed Tom
“Yes YOU can. Repeat after me. You, Laurence are a shit.”
“I won’t”
“Why?”
“It would achieve nothing.”
“You’ve got to tell people the truth how else will they improve?”
“It’s not about people improving”
“Then what is life about if not trying to be a better person”
“Exactly so you know what you were saying is wrong”
“No I know it’s not politically correct, I do know it’s what drove me to be who I am now. Or at least part of it. To deny the truth is to deny yourself and that’s the worst thing you can do is be blind to who you are and how you got here.”
“I’m just not the man to do it”
“Then improve yourself and learn how to do it when it is needed”
“Are you going to stop being the shit you are”
“Hey I just said that’s how I was, I’m not saying it’s how I am”
“You still think it though at your heart”
“Not really, I just feel that even having everything going your way can be a challenge to overcome”
“What? How am I supposed to grow if there is nowhere to grow to”
“Exactly, like a bonsai tree!”
“Are we still talking about you being a prat?”
“Probably I’m kind of lost now.”

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